We're having a baby on Monday

So, we have a c-section scheduled for Monday morning at 7:00 am. They will also be doing my 2nd kidney surgery at the same time. Please pray for us that everything goes as planned and without any complications.
Feel free to stop reading at this point if you wish. I just need to write out my feelings about what is about to happen now, while I'm in the moment, so I don't forget. I know myself well enough to know that I might have feelings of regret about the c-section, so I'm trying to be pre-emptive against those feelings.

First, a little background. When Brady's birth ended in a c-section, I felt disappointed, heartbroken, guilty, like a failure and many other things. I mourned the loss of being able to experience birth as God intended it to be.  I missed being able to hold him the second he was born and nurse immediately.  Even though I've had two OBGYNs tell me that it was medically necessary, for the health of Brady and me, I still felt as though I didn't do something right or like I could have done more to try to have him naturally.  I was (and still am) grateful to have a healthy baby, but it didn't take away the disappointment that I felt.

So, since the moment we found out we were pregnant with Laney, I have been dead set on having a completely natural (meaning drug-free) VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section). I chose my new doctor here based on the fact that she was pro-VBAC, because not all doctors are. I have been planning and researching all that I can to ensure that this birth had a different outcome than Brady's did. I even interviewed a Doula (think of it as a birth coach) to help me through the process.

Well, getting kidney stones at 37 weeks put a big wrinkle into my plans. Right off the bat, I found out that at the very least, I would have to have an epidural for Laney's birth. Because even if I were to have a VBAC, I would be taken off to surgery right after having her for the kidney surgery (which requires an epidural or spinal block). Still, I held out hope that I would still be able to VBAC, even if it meant it wouldn't be drug-free.

Unfortunately, the pain of the kidney stone and stent has been getting worse and worse. Last night I just cried out in pain for hours, and that was after taking my pain medicine. I realized that if I were to go into labor, on top of the existing pain, I would have to deal with contractions. I couldn't imagine adding a single ounce of pain on top of what I was already experiencing.

Then, I realized that even if I could handle the pain of labor + kidney stones/stent, I would have to get that epidural I spoke of earlier. I know my body, and I know that lying in bed, unable to move, for hours and hours, is not going to get me anywhere during labor. This is what happened with Brady, my labor just stalled out.

In order for my labor to progress, I need to be able to be up moving around, walking, using the birthing ball, doing special movements to get the baby in the best position (see spinningbabies.com if you want to know more about these "special movements"). I know that there is no way I'll be able to do that now. Even if I hold out and don't get the epidural till the very end, the pain of the stent is so deliberating; I know I just wouldn't make it.

All of this made me realize that for my own heath, I need to opt for a planned c-section. Planned c-sections are safer (for mom and baby) and much easier to recover from than unplanned c-sections (which I feel like would be the end result if I attempted the VBAC). In addition, my OB and Urologist are able to plan and coordinate the two surgeries. They will be able to have all of the correct staff on hand and both surgeries are sure to go off much smoother, since it is planned.

I trust that the c-section is completely safe for Laney and that she is fully developed and ready to be born (I'll be 6 days away from my due date on Monday). I've also found many "silver linings" in having a c-section. First, Monday is the first day of Spring Break, which means Lance will be home the whole week without having to take a single day of vacation. My parents and sister, who all live 3 hours away, are able to plan their trips here and can ensure that they won't miss Laney being born. We can easily plan care for Brady while Laney is being born. And finally, as my Urologist pointed out, he treats many women who have urinary problems due to giving birth, and I shouldn't have to worry about those. None of these are reasons to have a c-section, but if those are the cards I am dealt, they are all good things to remind me that there is a bright side to everything.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I also know that God will take care of me and Laney, as He always does. This is God's baby, she was His plan, He chose me to be her mother and to carry her for 9 months, He is fully aware of my body and how it works, and He has chosen how she will be born.

God has given me peace about this decision and I just had to put it down on paper, so that I can remember that peace later if I start having regretful feelings. His plan is much better than my plan any day. Maybe my plan was to have a VBAC, but God has a different plan. I have complete and full trust in Him and His plan.

For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT)